


Praying it

by JustAnotherSamlicker



Series: 'Communication' [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bees for Cas, Building montage, Companion Piece, Dean's communication skills, Dean's perspective, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, New house, Of course Jack saved Cas, but only a smidge, praying, saying it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:07:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29082873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherSamlicker/pseuds/JustAnotherSamlicker
Summary: After Jack brought Cas back, Dean found himself praying to the angel about his feelings every time Cas went up to heaven.Dean had never been good at talking about how he felt, so it was great to have a relationship with someone that he didn't have to face as he confessed how much the other meant. This was a perfect solution for both of them, they even decided to buy a house after one of Dean's prayers.Or at least, Dean brought it up in prayer, and the day after they passed a for sale sign on a nice fixer upper in Sam's neighbourhood. Castiel seemed to like it as well, which had to mean he looked forward to building a new life together there, right..?This is a companion piece to 'Saying it', you don't need to read one to understand the other. The story is the same but 'Saying it' is written from Castiel's perspective.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: 'Communication' [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133753
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	Praying it

**Author's Note:**

> This is the same story as 'Saying it' but written from Dean's perspective.

"Hey Cas." Dean was lying in bed, his eyes open as he prayed to his angel. He didn't pray to him every night, but he liked checking in every now and again while Cas was in heaven. 

The bunker had been kind of quiet. After they defeated Chuck and gained their own free will, things had changed. Sam moved in with Eileen. Cas still lived in the bunker with Dean and Dean was still so grateful Jack had brought him back. Castiel was never in the bunker for long though. After he got back, he spend most of his time up in heaven with Jack. The two of them were working to fix everything Chuck broke when he left. Even Castiel's grace had taken a beating, which was why he couldn't stay in heaven for long periods of time. 

At first Dean was okay with having time to himself. That way, he had time to think about how to continue now that Cas had said the quiet part out loud. Of course something in him always knew Cas had feelings for him, as he did for Cas. But Dean had never been one to talk about stuff like that openly. Too afraid he was wrong and Castiel didn't have feeling for him after all or that he did and Dean would do something to screw it up. Loosing Cas was to big of a risk to take. But after Cas took that first step, Dean knew he had to follow through.

Even now, when he couldn't let it be just an understood thing, Dean found it difficult to say the words. It was easier to just pray to Cas. In a way it was more intimate than talking. The way prayer meant sharing his every thought with the other. But he didn't have to look at him and didn't have to deal with possible reactions.

"I just wanted to let you know, I killed another vampire nest today. Nothing I couldn't handle of course... It was almost boring in a way. Hunting... It ain't the same without you and Sam. I'm glad he quit, and I know you'll be back to join in a few days, hopefully..." 

Cas went back up to heaven a lot. It usually took a few days, never more that two weeks at a time. He came back to recharge and spend some time with Dean. Dean had hoped Jack would come along, but he hadn't been able to leave heaven for even a moment since Chuck's powers were transferred. Dean tried not to dwell on it, and Cas had assured him Jack was doing well and he would visit as soon as he could. 

"But I'm thinking... Sam has it good." He swallowed. It was hard to say it. He was grateful he could say it in prayer, tell Cas in his own pace. "I want that for us too. I know we'll never be normal. I mean, you can't just drop your wings. But sometimes I can see it, you know. A little house with a garden. You can even keep your bees there... We could just have something simple. Maybe we can look for something when you're back. Anyway just uh... I don't know... Come back soon, okay?" 

It had been two months since Dean first told Cas in prayer that he loved him back, but it was still hard to open up most of the time. Cas knew what he meant, knew Dean missed him. Dean didn't need to say it. 

Sometimes Dean was amazed at how lucky he was. Castiel had told him all those things, everything that made him love Dean, but he didn't expect Dean to be that open in return. He allowed the love to be said only in prayer, and didn't expect him to say it straight to his face. 

Although Dean was usually very focused on physical pleasure, he didn't expect that out of Cas. He had only ever seen the angel be intimate as an act, or in human form. He had decided long before they even got together, in those sparse moments that he dared dream of something more, that if Cas didn't need the physical aspect or if he was uncomfortable with it, Dean could live without it. It meant a lot to know that if Dean couldn't speak his mind, Cas allowed him to keep it to prayer. To the outside it probably didn't even seem like anything between them changed. 

But even though their actions didn't change, the intent behind them did. Where Dean would usually try to ignore how happy he felt when Cas put a hand on his shoulder, he could now enjoy the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach. So although nothing changed, everything did. 

When Castiel returned to the bunker, he always stopped for pie first to Dean's delight. When Dean went into the kitchen to grab both of them a beer, he yelled out to Cas that he had been gone to long. He always did, no mather how long Castiel had been gone. They had build this sort of routine by now for whenever Cas came home. Castiel had been gone for a bit more than a week this time, and it had really been to long in Dean's opinion. He couldn't wait to go househunting with the angel, find something to make into their perfect home.

Whe Dean returned with beer and plates for the pie, he asked Cas how he had been. They talked about heaven for a bit and Jack's efforts to resurect angels. Dean enjoyed those moment together so much, he almost forgot he made dinner plans with Sam and Eileen. When he realized he shot Sam a quick text saying he was on his way and he was taking Cas. 

It felt almost like faith, when they passed a slightly disheveled house with a for sale sign in the yard, barely three streets from Sam's house. Al though Dean didn't really want to be ruled by fate, this seemed to nice to pass up on.

"What do you think about something like that?" Dean asked casually, trying to get a feel for Cas's tastes. 

Castiel looked at it. "It needs a lot of care, don't you think?" 

"Yeah but I like that sort of stuff. It's full filling to live in a house you practically built." 

"You... You want to live here?" Castiel asked, slightly confused as he looked at the house in the rearview.

Castiel didn't seem as excited as Dean felt, which was dissapointing. But if this house wasn't what Cas wanted, they had more than enough time to find something that suited both of them. "I mean, not that house in particular. But you know... It seems like an okay neighbourhood, and it's close to Sam and Eileen." 

Castiel smiled, looking at the house again. "That is true. It looks like it has a nice garden as well. No you're right. I like it." Castiel told Dean with a nod. "Most houses here are kept up pretty well. If you want to work on the house yourself, it seems like this is the best choice." 

With some scheming, Dean was able to actually bring out the winning offer on the house. He told himself that as soon as the house was fixed and livable, he'd stop with the scheming and fraud. Instead he'd get a job somewhere and start a normal life with Cas. Well, as normal as being with a cosmic entity could be. 

The following weeks were spend working on the house full time. Dean took the weeds out of the front yard and made a little pathway, he build a nice deck and refurbished some old chairs so they'd have a nice place to sit in front of their home. The garage was cleaned up and the driveway was repaved before Baby got her own spot. It was hard work and he was sweating and aching at the end of each day, but he was proud of what his efforts accomplaced. 

He wasn't working on it alone of course. Whenever Sam and Eileen had time, they'd come to by to help on the house or bring Dean food. Cas had a chance to be on earth a little more as well now that the biggest damage done to heaven was restored. Dean enjoyed those days the most, where it was just the two of them, working side by side in a comfortable quiet or while talking about the plans for their home. 

About three months into the project Cas had gotten a message from Jack to asking if he could come back to heaven, maybe for a few days more this time. Dean told him it was fine and that he should go. Most of the heavy lifting was done by now anyways. He would miss Cas of course, but Castiel's heavenly duties were more important. It also reasured him to have Cas look out for Jack. He might be God now, but he was still their kid, and theirs to worry about. 

Orriginally, Dean had planned to start painting next. But now that he had some time without Cas, he wanted to use that to surprise him.

He didn't like the yard work as much as the actual building, but it was more fun than he had imagined at first. When he bought the house, the garden was almost a jungle, unkept and overgrown. Dean's first priority had been the house itself, so he hadn't done any work on the backyard yet. It was quite the effort, pulling out weeds and cutting branches. It took him almost a week to get the chaos under control, which included chopping down one of the trees growing smack down in the middle. It did give him a nice supply of firewood, and consequently the idea to build a fire pit they could sit around on cold nights. 

The garden was deep, which meant he could built the firepit nice and close, but keep the section he had in mind for Cas in the back. Cas not knowing when he'd get back hadn't seemed like too much of an issue, until Dean was halfway through his project. He started to fear Cas would return before it was finished. As soon as he was finished the coin flipped and he hated having to wait to show Cas his surprise. 

Dean still slept in the bunker during the project, so that was where Cas reappeared with pie after his visit upstairs. Dean just got out of the shower, cleaning of the days grime when the angel called him. Dean's grin widened, he had missed Cas more than he cared to admit, and he was excited to show him what he did with the place. 

Al though he had only just been there, he convinced Cas they had to visit the house. Cas didn't seem to thrilled when he agreed, but Dean was sure he would be. It was still light out, but dawn was close, so if he wanted Cas to see the changes in daylight they had to hurry. He had everything set up in advance, so all he had to do was drive them there. 

When they got into the house Dean told Cas to close his eyes before walking into the back yard. For good measure, he got behind him and put his hands over Cas's face. He felt slightly giddy, being this close to the other. Unlike all those times in the past, he allowed himself to feel it, to enjoy the small touches, the mere presence of Castiel.

He took a moment to look the garden over himself, before he removed the hands from Castiel's eyes. He quickly moved to see his reaction. It was as beautifully amazed as he had expected. Dean was proud of the work he had put into the garden, but he was even more proud of it as he saw it through Castiel's eyes. 

The further into the garden they walked, the more bee and insect friendly flowers lined the pathway. All the way up to the back, where the path stopped at a large beehive. Dean was glad they were able to get here before the sun set. Even he had to admit the colorful flowers made a beautiful spectacle. with the vibrant blues and purples. Dean had done some research on what flowers to get, and it turned out bees liked pretty colors as much as humans did. 

Castiel looked amazed, eyes wide and mouth agape. He turned to Dean, taking a second before he spoke. "This looks amazing. I didn't expect... This is great." 

Dean could feel those happy feelings spread inside him again. He had been working his ass off for nearly three weeks, but it was definitely worth it to get the reaction Cas gave. "Yeah you like it?" He asked again, as much to confirm as to just hear it again. 

"I like it a lot, Dean. I'm glad you showed me." He assured the other. 

Dean grinned. "Since you said would it would take you some time to get back, I figured I might as well make use of that. Oh there's more. If you don't mind staying for a little. You can see the lights go on when the sun sets. I can start a fire, get a blanket maybe?" As much as he tried to make it seem like a spur of the moment decision, he thought about it often while Cas was in heaven. Although they had their jokes and the prayers, they didn't have a lot of quiet moments for just the two of them. As much as Dean enjoyed just being with Cas the way they were, he sometimes longed to spend a little more time exploring the new aspect to them. Just some quiet time together to figure it all out. 

This would be perfect. The scene was right and Cas looked as enchanted as Dean had hoped. It also helped that he hadn't seen Cas in almost three weeks, so he suspected both of them could do with some time together. 

Luckily Castiel seemed to like the idea as well. He nodded as he wondered around the garden, crouching down to get a better look of some of the flowers. Dean looked at him with a fond smile before he went inside to get a blanket and something to light the fire with.

When he came back, Castiel was looking at the house, staring at it. Dean grinned as he put the stuff he gathered on the little bench next to the firepit, before he started piling in the wood. "Can you believe it, it's almost finished. Just a few more weeks and it'll be ' bye bye bunker'." He grinned, as he lit some kindling. "I am going to miss that place, you know." 

Castiel walked over. "You can always visit." He suggested as he watched Dean work. 

"Yeah...But that's just not the same..." He said as he got up once one of the larger blocks caught fire. 

Castiel sighed as he sat down on the bench. "You're right." 

Dean could sense something was upsetting his angel. "Hey Cas, everything okay?" He asked, sitting down next to the other. 

Castiel took a second to answer. "It just takes some getting used to this all." He admitted, looking over the garden. 

Dean followed his gaze. "You don't like it?" 

"No, I do. It's amazing." There was a sort pause as the angel smiled at Dean. "It's really a family home."

Dean felt a rush of warmth and happiness at that statement as he looked back at Cas. He put his arm on the back of the bench behind him. "Yeah. That's exactly what I want this to be. That's why I wanted to leave the bunker in the first place." 

Castiel nodded silently, his eyes focussed on the fire that was growing before them. 

Dean was grateful for the silence. He didn't want to spill it all, how he felt for Cas, or how much it meant for him to have that normal american apple pie life for once with someone he loved. He knew Cas knew, it didn't need to be said. He wanted to enjoy their time together. Instead he changed the subject, asking Cas about Jack and heaven. 

Apparently Jack was doing well. He had broken Bobby free to help with some mysterious project. Castiel seemed as happy with that as Dean was. Bobby would look out for the kid when Cas wasn't there. Jack still missed his father's, and Cas assured Dean Jack would come down to earth as soon as he could. 

Dean listen to the stories with a gentle smile on his face. After the sun set the temperature lowered quickly. It did give a new dimension to the garden. Dean had added little lights throughout the flowers, linked to a sensor that switched them on after the sunset. Castiel looked at Dean, instead of the beauty before him. "You did all of this in the short time I was gone?" He asked. Dean nodded, moving a little closer. 

"It felt like a long while." Dean answered softly. "I'm glad your back." He admitted before resting his head on Cas's shoulder. 

With rebuilding the house and fixing heaven, they hadn't had the chance to enjoy a moment like this, and Dean knew that a large part of it was due to him. He needed time to come to terms with who he loved, that he could even love that deeply and have it returned. He was still afraid that now that they both said it, now that it was real, it would be taken from him. 

But tonight, he decided not to act on those fears and instead focus on what was real. And what was real was Cas sitting there, next to him, his arm clumsily around Dean after Dean rested his head against the others shoulders. The quiet of the moment and the dancing fire.

Dean hadn't meant to fall asleep, but Cas didn't wake him up. He sat with him, holding him until the light of the sun woke Dean up. Dean let out a yawn as he moved away when he realized they had been there all night. "Sorry... I must have been more tired than I thought. You should have woken me up." He said with a gentle smile. "Did you you just stay in one position all night?" 

Castiel nodded. "I didn't want to wake you up. You seemed to need the sleep, and you know I don't mind watching over you." 

"Thank you." He muttered. He wanted to tell him he liked being watched over now, but decided that was clear. It had to be.

After that last visit, Castiel needed to go up to heaven a lot less. Dean gas grateful for that. Now that they had started painting, Cas's help was much needed. Dean and Cas had gone to the store for paint where they found out that either Dean was slightly colorblind, or Cas could see different spectrums of light. Where Dean saw all vaguely or sometimes completely similar colors, Castiel would describe the differences between the swatches, matching them up and looking for combinations. Dean declared that Cas would officially be in charge of painting and decorating. 

It got to a point where Dean asked Cas about every little detail. Cas seemed to enjoy the decorating side of it as much as Dean had enjoyed building the home in the first place. 

Dean had decided to finish by going floor by floor. The first floor was finished. The walls were painted and most of the furniture was placed. Sam had suggested to start with the bedroom so Dean could sleep there instead of heading back to the bunker each night, but Dean wanted the first night in their new house to be special. If he could get himself to ask Cas, he wanted Cas there with him in bed, watching over him. As dumb and creepy as the phrase had once sounded, it was nice now. 

He simply told Sam he didn't want to move in before it was all finished.

When they finally started working on the upstairs, Eileen and Cas had settled on painting the guest room while Dean and Sam would do the master bedroom. 

"Okay, so which one of these is for the bedroom?" Sam asked, showing Dean the options Cas had sworn were different when they bought the paint. 

"You know the drill, Sammy. Cas is in charge of the colors." Dean reminded him.

"Yeah, you're really giving him free range here, aren't you?"

"I mean, he knows what he's doing, doesn't he? And it's his house as much as it's mine." Dean shrugged. 

Sam's face changed. He frowned and Dean tried to ignore how blatantly Sam was studying him. Then the expression softened, turning into a smile. There was something about the look that made Dean feel a blush coming up. "What?" 

"Nothing... I just didn't think the two of you were moving in here together..." There was no judgement in his voice, but Sam did seem to be surprised. Dean sighed softly. "Yeah, I uh..." He looked away, it was uncomfortable for him to talk about it. He had kind of hoped that after all this time, it would be almost like an understood thing. "Me and Cas... You know. It's always been different right." He pointed out, still avoiding Sam's eyes. He could feel his stare and knew that his little brother was probably looking at him like he was proud of Dean, just for saying that. He didn't need this to feel like a big deal. "So yeah, house, partner. That's the american dream, right? Or at least as close as I want to get to it." 

"Good for you, Dean. For both of you." Sam smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'll ask Cas about the paint." 

Dean smiled a little, before finally looking at Sam. "Just, don't be weird to him about this. It's not a big deal, okay?" 

Sam nodded. "Sure. Don't worry, I won't be weird." 

For some reason, Dean highly doubted that. It did feel good, knowing Sam knew. He had never doubted whether or not Sam would accept the relationship, but it meant a lot to have it comfired. "Thank you, for you know... Not turning it into this whole thing." 

"Of course." Sam assured him before heading out to look for the angel. 

The whole project took almost half a year, but it was finally finished. Dean still couldn't believe his life had taken such a turn. During the built, he hadn't gone on a single hunt. He wasn't planning on going back to hunting either, not unless he had to. 

This home, moving in with Cas, It was all the start of a new, better chapter for the two of them, and that meant they had to celebrate. Dean had invited Sam and Eileen to come barbeque at the new place to celebrate. He enjoyed preparing the food in their new kitchen. Castiel walked in after making the bed with the new sheets he had picked out. Dean was about to ask if Cas would like to spend the first night in their bed as well, to watch over Dean, but before he could work up the courage the angel told him he had to go back up to heaven to take care of something. Dean's heart sank, until Cas assured him he would be back in time for the party.

Cas kept his promise and half an hour before Sam and Eileen were supposed to arrive, Dean smiled as he heard the flutter of wings behind him. He grinned when Cas put his hands over Dean's eyes, reminding him of the evening Dean showed Cas his own personal beehive. He grinned, even after all that time, every touch still gave him butterflies. "You got a surprise?" He asked excited.

"Guess who?"

Dean chuckled. "I know it's you, Cas..."

"Of course you do, I've been talking. I mean, guess who is with me as a surprise." 

"That's not really how that w-" His words were caught off when he realized what Cas meant. "Jack?" Dean asked with a bright smile. 

The hands in front of his eyes were removed, showing him their kid. Alive and well. Jack still looked like a goofy teenager, not like the almighty god he now was. Dean hurried over before he pulled Jack into a hug, not letting go for a few moments as the other pulled him closer. When he pulled back Dean put his hands on Jack's shoulders to look him over. Relief washed over him to see he seemed to be doing okay. He was excited to show Jack what they had done with the freedom they gained. He was sure Cas had told him about the house already, but he hadn't seen it yet. 

"Oh I want to show you around." He said with a grin before he looked at Cas. "Let's give him the tour." 

They showed Jack the whole house. Dean talked about how Cas had picked the colors and most of the furniture and Cas talked about how Dean had laid the floors and fixed the roof. The half hour passed like nothing until the doorbell rang. "That's Sam and Eileen. Sam must be so excited to see you." Dean told Jack. 

They were excited, hugging Jack and asking him how he had been. Jack seemed to revel in being treated like a normal kid. It was like their son had come back from college all grown up, to be greeted by parants that missed him a lot. Once they had caught up a little, Dean asked them to all join in the garden so he could fire up the grill. 

It was great, seeing his closest family all sit around a table, sharing food and stories. In the past, he cherished those moments, because with the life they lived, everyone of those moments could be the last. It still could be of course, but the chance decreased dramatically now that they were no longer hunting. But Dean was done being scared about dying. He was ready for that day when it came and he had more than enough experience with dying. But living, really living, Dean was ready for some of that.

The night flew by in a haze of laughter and good food. Around midnight Sam and Eileen decided to call it a night. Around half an hour later, Jack got up as well. He told him he had to get back to heaven, But he would visit again someday soon. It was still hard to get away from heaven for an extended period of time, but he enjoyed the quick visit down.

After Dean and Cas both gave him a parting hug, Jack dissapeared into thin air.

Dean smiled as he looked at Cas. They were finally alone in their new house. Castiel didn't look as happy as Dean had hoped he would.

"I guess I'll be heading back to the bunker." The other sighed, voice heavy.

Dean gave him a weird look, trying to figure out why the angel would leave him. "Did you forget something?" 

Castiel bit his lip, taking a short silence before he spoke. "I know I'm not a man of letters Dean." He said, his voice carrying a defencive edge. "But it's been my home for so long, you can't just expect me to leave completely..." 

"You're home sick? So what's your plan than, live here during the day and go back to the bunker at night?" Dean had just hoped Cas would see this as a home straight away, that he didn't need the bunker as a back up to feel comfortable. It's not like Dean would notice it if Cas would leave when he was asleep, but it still didn't sit right with him. 

Cas frowned, the words seemily playing through his head. His frown deepened with confusion and shock. "You mean, live here as in; live here together?" 

"Yeah..." Dean answered, wondering what els he could mean. "What did you think this was for? I'm not going to flip it. If it was all for money, I've got a few credit cards I can misuse more easily." 

"I thought this was going to be the house for you and maybe someday a partner." Castiel admitted, seemingly ashamed of the assumpion. 

That hurt. The way Castiel distanced himself from the word partner, like there could be anybody else for Dean. Had Dean really missed the whole point of what was happening. Was the whole confession some weird platonic angel crap and had Cas taken his confession the same way. "Maybe some day? Listen Cas, am I missing something here?" He couldn't keep the frustration out of his voice. How did he get it so wrong.

Castiel seemed to be just as confused as Dean was. "Am I?" It sounded gentle, sincere. Dean could feel the way Cas studied his face. His eyes bright and innocent. How had Dean ever made himself believe someone that beautiful in every way could ever love him like that. 

He sighed, frustration ebbing away as the hurt took the overhand. He looked at the floor. "Well one of us is." 

"Just to be sure, You want me to move in with you?" Castiel asked again. 

"Yeah, it's hardly too early for that." Dean shrugged. "We've been living together since long before this thing started." 

"This thing?" Cas repeated and Dean felt his heart sink. So he had just imagined it all. He gave it one last try. Cas had to know right, had to admit things had changed. Those prayers, Dean had been very open during them. 

"Yeah, you know this thing." He motioned between them. The confusion on Cas's face told him he couldn't avoid talking about it anymore. "You, me... That whole thing... Your confession speech... Those uh.... Those things I prayed to you..." He could feel his face heat up and looked away. It was hard to acknowledge how he felt. Like he should be ashamed of the things he said in prayer. The things that for him were so clearly romantic, even if he had only used the word 'love' once. 

He could feel the silence grow tense as he waited for a response, but none came. This was it, he had made it too real and he was about to be punished with rejection. When he couldn't take it anymore and he just wanted Cas to get over it, he looked up. When he looked into the others eyes, he could see the other trying to figure out what to do next. 

Maybe Cas had kept it to prayer to avoid having to reject Dean outright and now Dean had messed that up for Cas as well. 

When Cas spoke, the words were careful. "I haven't heard prayers in months. From no one. With everything that happened in heaven some things got lost. Jack and I have been working to fix it, but it's not been a top priority." 

"You haven't heard..." Dean wondered how many times his heart could break while celebrating his first house. "I..." He fell short, trying to find a way to express what he had been trying to tell Cas all along. 

"What did you pray to me." 

"Nothing apparently...." 

"Dean." Cas's voice was soft as he stepped closer, putting a hand on Dean's cheek to make him look at him. 

Dean hated this, hated how he had allowed himself to feel happy about those sort of touches or about the smiles meant just for him. He had stopped forcing himself to ignore his feelings for months now. Even though he tried to hold on and push it all down, he felt defenceless against how real it felt to have Cas there. How good it felt to lean into that touch.

"Just, you know... That I felt the same. And like, I don't know man...." He was still struggling to say it, but he had to make Cas understand what this had meant to him. He couldn't look at the angel anymore as he continued. "I thought you meant the thing you told me in a different way. I messed up okay. I prayed to you that I wanted to get a house for us, and then we passed this and you told me to bring out an offer..." 

"You.... I didn't realize it was for both of us. You seemed so excited when we passed here, I wanted to be excited for you. I mean, when you didn't bring it up again, I figured you just didn't feel the way I did. I though I had been clear. I love you, I want a life you. I want to watch you grow old and spend an eternity with you in heaven afterwards." 

Dean's eyes were filled with tears at the words. He was still confused about what had happened, but Cas left no room to be confused about how he felt for Dean. "You mean all this time, you thought I just hadn't answered, hadn't even responded to what you told me, that you love me." He said, the words still fighting to leave his lips. 

"I thought moving out was your response. That was all that changed." 

"What do you mean that was all. I... Okay look, I'm not good at talking about this sort of stuff. That's why I kept it to prayer, but everything has changed. The touches...." He hated himself for how much he was blushing, but it had always been easier for Dean to show affection than it had been to talk about it, or even acknowledge it for that matter. 

"But, we've always been close like that. It's not like you ever tried to kiss me or hold my hand."   
Cas laid it out so bluntly and Dean wished he had communicated like that, instead of hiding his feelings in prayer and taking Cas's smiles as confirmation. 

"I didn't know if you were into that stuff dude. I mean, you're still an angel. The only times I've ever seen you do any of that was a sort of performance or something. And like I said... Like I tried to tell you before, I'm fine with not having that if it ain't a thing for you. I mean, I want that, but... You know. It's about you, having you close." Dean took a step closer, and when he was sure Cas was okay with it, he took his hand. "I love you too, Cas." This time the words didn't falter, and neither did their smiles. 

Castiel was the one to lean in first, closing the distance between them. Dean closed his eyes as he felt a whirlwind inside him. He pulled Cas closer, finally giving in to what he had wanted all this time, but had been too afraid to ask if it was okay. 

When they broke apart, Dean smiled at the other. "Since we're being honest... I really liked sleeping with you close." It felt like an awkward confession, but by now, Dean had learned that if he didn't speak up, there was no way for Cas to know what he wanted. "I get that it might be boring or something, but would you mind going to bed with me every now and again. You can leave when I sleep, I'm not expecting you to just lay there all night, but I don't know." 

Castiel stopped his ramble by pressing his lips against Dean. "I'd love to spend every night with you if you'd let me." 


End file.
